Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Prego reflections...

As we approach the day we will meet our daughter face to face, my pregnancy hormones have kicked in full swing and my emotions are going crazy!

For one, of course, I am ecstatic to meet her. She is already our pride and joy! Kaleb is SO incredibly fun, and I cannot imagine loving her as much as I do him, but I know somehow I will find the room in my heart to love them both. She is already our little Princess. I have really spent a little too much on bows and cutesie things for her, and I can't help it. Literally, I have prayed for a girl for so long. I remember probably the first time I prayed about it, I wasn't married or anything, hadn't even met Justin. I was just out of college, which, I know, really wasn't THAT long ago, but still. It seems like it was! I remember talking to friends about it who had just recently had baby girls, and asking them if they prayed for a girl specifically. Several of them said yes. I began not feeling bad about praying for a girl. One told me that she had had dreams about her daughter. I believe that this can be the case and that God is bigger than we know, and that He likes to give us the desires of our hearts. Not long after I started having dreams about my little girl. And when I was pregnant with Kaleb, I believe the Lord told me we were going to have a girl. :) I found out we were having a boy, but I knew we'd be pregnant again and that Little Miss E would be a reality. I was SO excited to have Kaleb, and seriously, he is the fun in my days. He is such a little relaxed little guy, and such a happy boy. I would never trade him for a girl! But when I got pregnant again I got really excited. I knew it was time to meet our daughter....! :) I write this to remember all of this, and for her to read someday too and know that she is very loved. So, these days, I am very excited, to say the least.

Our second ultrasound with this little girl was one of the first crazy emotions I had though. The tech told us that she was 65 percent a boy! Of course, that wasn't much to go on, but I still started doubting and wondering what the Lord really had up his sleeve...So we were really thrilled when we finally had the last ultrasound and "he" was a "she," assured to us "100 percent" by the tech. We were shocked, because we had prepared ourselves for the news of another boy by this point. :)

Another emotion has been a hard decision making process. I have just recently started singing for the praise team for our Contemporary Word and Worship Service on Sunday nights at church. It has just begun at our church, and has seriously been the highlight of my week. I practice the songs all week, getting them stuck in my head, and have fun figuring out the parts I sing. I love the team, and the people are awesome. I have really enjoyed getting to know some sweet couples in our class, and one of them is on the team with me. I am very sad that I'm going to have to cut it out of my week. This has caused me to actually shed some tears because I really love it so much. I just can't do it though, right now, for our family's sake. We usually practice twice a week, for two hours or more. (Well, the first practice is two hours - the second one takes place just before the service and is usually only an hour.) But finding childcare for practice has proven to be a bit of a challenge with just Kaleb, and now, with a newborn, I know it will not get any easier. She needs constant attention the first few months. So I have decided to opt out of the praise team for a time. Plus, MOPS is on the same day our practices are on, and they have childcare, and I know that if I need to, I can hold her during that time. That would not be so easy up there on stage with the loud music. :( As much as I love it, I am going to quit for a while and be a part of MOPS. I think that will be a good outlet. :) Thanks to my sister in law Shelly for helping me figure this out. And my mom. I really wanted to seek advice on it because the praise team has been dear to my heart! But...this is the best for us, I believe, at this point.

What else???...We have not had a shower this time, and I don't think we will, and that kind of saddened me at first when I realized it! But the Lord has reassured me that seriously, there is really not a need, at least for now. I am SUCH a planner, and I love to have everything ready, especially for our sweet girl to arrive. But I feel like we have been SO blessed by people without a shower. I have a great friend Taren who, by the work of the Lord, lol, had a baby girl at the same time I had my baby boy. Now, she is having her baby boy at the same time as I am having my baby girl. We were kind of shocked when we found out about each other! It's crazy. Last time our due dates were like four days off, and this time they are like three weeks. So fun. But we traded clothes. So I feel pretty set, actually, as far as clothes go! And we have toys left from when Kaleb was a newborn. And we have a few diapers. My neighbor has also blessed us with some "older" girl clothes too, so we are doing well! And my friend Ashley also blessed us with spoons, and pacis, and socks, and shoes, and other miscellaneous things. So...we are actually doing pretty well without a shower. God is GOOD! Totally a God thing that Taren and I have been prego at the same time with different sexes! So, I am not as worried about having a shower, and I am very happy with what we have so far. All we will need are small things like diapers.

This pregnancy has been different in a LOT of ways compared to Kaleb. It has honestly been harder in a lot of ways? But I just am so happy about having a girl that I don't even care, really. I felt a bit different when I got pregnant at first, for obvious reasons. Overall, I think I have just been a bit sicker this time around because of her hormones combining with mine. It's crazy how that works! And the stress of finding a new house, and moving, and being sick at the same time (Kaleb and I both got sick with high fevers DURING our move!) was hard. Then, it seems all at once, craziness started happening! Directly following Thanksgiving, our room FLOODED from plumbing issues, so we had to move all of our stuff out and get all new carpeting while living in the living room. Then we transferred the bed back to the bedroom and literally lived on top of the cement for a week before we received our new carpeting. During this time I couldn't get well - I came down with a sinus infection that lasted for exactly a month until I went to the doctor to get a Z Pack that I was just scared to take in the first place because I was prego but not sure what else to do. Directly following the plumbing issue we had a city-wide water outage due to a leak. It was crazy and we couldn't use our water for about three days. That did not help with our getting healthy again for sure! Finally, though, after the city got the water fixed, things started looking up. But talk about stress for this pregnant momma! I had just cleaned the floors really good the day before our plumbing issue happened, and it made me so mad that there was actually sewer water seeping into them the next day! This is all too funny, though, because if you know me, you know I am clean freak. I love a clean, nice house, and I go nuts when I'm nesting. Some women? They bake when they're nesting. The cakes, the pies, the cookies...I clean. So you can imagine what kind of emotional wreck I was for a couple of days.

And that brings me to my nesting these days. I am feeling better so I've been cleaning the house from top to bottom. I feel sorry for Justin or Kaleb or anyone who gets in my way. The microwave got cleaned today, along with the floors again, and the countertops, and all the laundry is almost done. Yesterday I cleaned both bathrooms from top to bottom, and this morning I washed the shower curtain. See what I mean? When I nest, I CLEAN. It's insane! I feel very sorry for the mommas who get put on bedrest at this point in their pregnancies. I think I really would go insane!

And all the while, I remind myself we have just about two weeks left before all the craziness goes down. And it won't be that crazy - I'm exaggerating of course: I am good at that! - but it will be a different kind of "normal," and things will never be the same. We will have a family of four. Wow. I am already experiencing the laundry craziness in washing her clothes (most are hand-me-downs so I feel the need - that nesting thing again!). Washing for a family of four as opposed to three....well, honestly, there really IS a big difference! They say it, but it really is true! We are getting ready to have company a bit because I know my mother in law will probably stay for a time and help, as will my grandmother. I am very, very appreciative of their sweet souls and I really look forward to their help.

I am also scared and nervous about the C section.Yeah, I know, I've had one before, and I know what to expect...but...isn't that reason to be nervous as well? I will NOT choose to go into detail about THAT mess. Wow. I just remember what happened last time....and let's just say that I am much more excited about what will come out of this process than the process itself. Lol. But...SHE will be more than worth the pain.

Speaking of she, as well...we have come up with her name. Yes, she does have a name!! :) Praise the Lord! That has been another part of this pregnancy that has been...well, just different! With Kaleb, it was so easy, it seemed. We just came up with it after looking through the bible and agreed. It was like our sixth month, and we shared on FB and all as soon as we figured it out. Not the case this time. We have had the HARDEST time figuring out a name. I am not sure why, but a lot had to do with our friends and family. Of course we worry about what everyone will say, and how they feel about the name. It's just natural. Will they like it? Or secretly dislike without actually saying so? Or, worse yet, dislike it and be very, very vocal about it? These things ran through our heads as we shared with a few, and got some mixed feedback. But, we have finally decided on one. However, to just go along with the "different" theme on this pregnancy, we will reveal her name when she reveals her face. :) Just think it'll be more fun that way. :) (And, I will add here that Justin is pretty much letting me do that...He is sweet to do so!)

And, as I feel her hiccup at the moment, I am reminded of all the good times I've had during this pregnancy too. Yes, it has been a whirlwind of emotion, but it has been very, very good. There have been some days that have been very fun, just feeling her kick, and move around. She doesn't actually move the same way Kaleb did, either, which is kind of neat to see the differences between them before she's even born. She seriously gets the hiccups as much as he did, but she doesn't move the same. I think she may be in a different position than he was, because she doesn't kick me quite as often. When I would lay down with K, he would kick up a storm! Especially when I laid on either side. But Little Miss E? No, she is more knees and elbows. She moves just as much as he did, but she chooses not to kick me. :) However, her feet do get stuck in my ribs every night, which is what happened with K too at the end of my pregnancy with him. I believe Justin's kids are just big babies! I don't have a large torso, so they run out of room and the only "sensible" solution for their feet is in the's the only place they can go; they are cramped! :) So...for that reason and many others, I am very ready to have this little girl in the world and out of my belly!

Kaleb loves my belly, by the way. It's really kind of cute. He will lift up my shirt and just laugh. He knows his momma looks "different" right now. SO cute to me! He touches it, and loves touching my "outie" belly button.

All of this said, we are SO, SO excited to meet her. It's mixed with the same excitement about Kaleb meeting her. I know that even though he is still young, he will understand something's different. He will understand that there is definitely somebody else intruding our house and his playtime! Right now I am trying to spend some quality time with my boy. I know that will be harder to come by when Little Miss E arrives. I think sometimes I take it for granted, and I wish that I didn't....these days I am trying to sit back (literally, it's hard though at this point!) and just enjoy his company. He is such a sweet boy. I love playing with him and teaching him things. One of my favorite things to do is to go in and pray over him at night. It is such a precious time for me as a momma, and so priceless.

She will be so fun too. Maybe a different type of fun at first (I remember the newborn fun all too well!) but definitely a joy. I am SO happy to live where we do now (in town) so that I can feel not so secluded, and go out more, even if it's just to church once or twice a week. Last time I felt like a hermit. I think I can honestly say I am almost suffered from a bit of post partum depression, because I never left the house. It's really hard being housebound - and you don't realize it until you are! It seems like a blessing but it really is hard! I don't see this time being much different, except for I thank the Lord for the blessing of MOPS. And for church in general.

I want to breastfeed as long as possible, as well. We will see how that goes. Last time, because of K's severe acid reflux, we had to stop after just three months. I am not sure how we could have done it differently, since he needed cereal added to his milk every time to help him gain weight. But...we will see how this time goes. I have heard it runs in families, and several of my friends have had that happen, least I will try my hardest again to breastfeed. :) It's the best start you can give to your baby!

Emotions, and all, this is going to continue to be a very good journey for us. I look forward to the next few weeks and all that they entail.

Cannot wait for our newest little blessing, and that is the best emotion of all. :)