Changed prayers...

Ready to go on a walk now.
Daddy teaches me how to play guitar!
Agh, Mom, I'm having a bad hair day!


I have prayed for so many things for my little man. Before he was born, I prayed for him to be healthy. Before he was born, I prayed for him to grow big and strong, and to learn about many things.
I prayed for him to be able to learn what the Lord wants him to - to be able to comprehend things, and, I'll admit, even to be smart.
I prayed for him to become the person God wants him to be - to recognize his talents and gifts, and that he'd allow the Lord to write them upon his heart over time.
During delivery, I prayed that he would be alright.
After he was born, I prayed that he'd be healed of his jaundice, in tears, no less. Even though I knew that it was nothing, hormones caused me to be overly sensitive about it, and it was such a big deal! It was the first real "problem" he was having, and I wanted so badly just to have him healthy!
Then, when he became colicky soon after he was born, there were days I didn't know what to do, and it brought me to tears again, and back onto my knees. I wondered if there was something I was doing, or not doing, to make him hurt so.
And then, as he began to get smaller before my eyes, I began to worry that he was sick, and I called upon the Lord yet once again. What was happening? Why wasn't he gaining weight?
And then, after finding the reason was that he wasn't getting enough to eat, we found out he also had acid reflux. That, yet once again, brought me to my knees. He must have been in so much pain, yet so hungry! How terrible he must have felt, and he was doing the only thing he knew how to do - to let mommie know!
Such a short road, and yet so complex and I feel as though I have learned through it.
Through this time, God has been working on me.
And Justin.
We have begun to read our bibles together again, which, I admit, was absent from our marriage for quite a time.
Not that we weren't reading, but we were reading separately, and not as one unit, and, I'll also admit, very sporadically.
Now we are reading it together each day.
And I've come to a bit of a realization.
I have a dear friend who has lost her baby all too early.
His short, but so precious life, has changed so many lives already, including hers.
She didn't pray for this.
She didn't pray for him to have that happen - but through one of the most terrible of situations, God is getting the glory, and there are many, many Ugandans getting clean water through a well project started through his life.
THAT, my friends, is what I pray for for my son - for God's glory.
People pray for their children to be "safe," to be "healthy," to live long lives, even.
Friends, I don't want to just pray for that. Those are all good things, of course.
But there is one prayer that I will have for my son that means more to me than that.
And that is that his life will glorify my Saviour, through whatever circumstances he may run into.
Whatever may happen to him, I pray may bring glory to our Father.
That is what I pray for him, and, though difficult, that is what I am going to strive to pray for through is life.
Yes, I would love for the Lord to protect him like a hen protects her chickens, to cover him with His wings, to take care of him and keep him out of danger.
But I want my son to glorify our Lord more than anything, and if that means pain, then that means pain. So be it.
It is SO hard to think about.
I cannot fathom the thought of someone harming him.
The thought makes me shudder.
I would want to hate them forever for it.
But if it were to mean that the Lord would receive glory, then so be it.
To the Lord be the glory.
I need to give Kaleb to Him, to know that he's not even mine. His life is Jesus' life to do with what He wills.
Amen and amen Lord.
Amen and amen.
SO hard but so worth it.