Prego reflections...

As we approach the day we will meet our daughter face to face, my pregnancy hormones have kicked in full swing and my emotions are going crazy!

For one, of course, I am ecstatic to meet her. She is already our pride and joy! Kaleb is SO incredibly fun, and I cannot imagine loving her as much as I do him, but I know somehow I will find the room in my heart to love them both. She is already our little Princess. I have really spent a little too much on bows and cutesie things for her, and I can't help it. Literally, I have prayed for a girl for so long. I remember probably the first time I prayed about it, I wasn't married or anything, hadn't even met Justin. I was just out of college, which, I know, really wasn't THAT long ago, but still. It seems like it was! I remember talking to friends about it who had just recently had baby girls, and asking them if they prayed for a girl specifically. Several of them said yes. I began not feeling bad about praying for a girl. One told me that she had had dreams about her daughter. I believe that this can be the case and that God is bigger than we know, and that He likes to give us the desires of our hearts. Not long after I started having dreams about my little girl. And when I was pregnant with Kaleb, I believe the Lord told me we were going to have a girl. :) I found out we were having a boy, but I knew we'd be pregnant again and that Little Miss E would be a reality. I was SO excited to have Kaleb, and seriously, he is the fun in my days. He is such a little relaxed little guy, and such a happy boy. I would never trade him for a girl! But when I got pregnant again I got really excited. I knew it was time to meet our daughter....! :) I write this to remember all of this, and for her to read someday too and know that she is very loved. So, these days, I am very excited, to say the least.

Our second ultrasound with this little girl was one of the first crazy emotions I had though. The tech told us that she was 65 percent a boy! Of course, that wasn't much to go on, but I still started doubting and wondering what the Lord really had up his sleeve...So we were really thrilled when we finally had the last ultrasound and "he" was a "she," assured to us "100 percent" by the tech. We were shocked, because we had prepared ourselves for the news of another boy by this point. :)

Another emotion has been a hard decision making process. I have just recently started singing for the praise team for our Contemporary Word and Worship Service on Sunday nights at church. It has just begun at our church, and has seriously been the highlight of my week. I practice the songs all week, getting them stuck in my head, and have fun figuring out the parts I sing. I love the team, and the people are awesome. I have really enjoyed getting to know some sweet couples in our class, and one of them is on the team with me. I am very sad that I'm going to have to cut it out of my week. This has caused me to actually shed some tears because I really love it so much. I just can't do it though, right now, for our family's sake. We usually practice twice a week, for two hours or more. (Well, the first practice is two hours - the second one takes place just before the service and is usually only an hour.) But finding childcare for practice has proven to be a bit of a challenge with just Kaleb, and now, with a newborn, I know it will not get any easier. She needs constant attention the first few months. So I have decided to opt out of the praise team for a time. Plus, MOPS is on the same day our practices are on, and they have childcare, and I know that if I need to, I can hold her during that time. That would not be so easy up there on stage with the loud music. :( As much as I love it, I am going to quit for a while and be a part of MOPS. I think that will be a good outlet. :) Thanks to my sister in law Shelly for helping me figure this out. And my mom. I really wanted to seek advice on it because the praise team has been dear to my heart! But...this is the best for us, I believe, at this point.

What else???...We have not had a shower this time, and I don't think we will, and that kind of saddened me at first when I realized it! But the Lord has reassured me that seriously, there is really not a need, at least for now. I am SUCH a planner, and I love to have everything ready, especially for our sweet girl to arrive. But I feel like we have been SO blessed by people without a shower. I have a great friend Taren who, by the work of the Lord, lol, had a baby girl at the same time I had my baby boy. Now, she is having her baby boy at the same time as I am having my baby girl. We were kind of shocked when we found out about each other! It's crazy. Last time our due dates were like four days off, and this time they are like three weeks. So fun. But we traded clothes. So I feel pretty set, actually, as far as clothes go! And we have toys left from when Kaleb was a newborn. And we have a few diapers. My neighbor has also blessed us with some "older" girl clothes too, so we are doing well! And my friend Ashley also blessed us with spoons, and pacis, and socks, and shoes, and other miscellaneous things. So...we are actually doing pretty well without a shower. God is GOOD! Totally a God thing that Taren and I have been prego at the same time with different sexes! So, I am not as worried about having a shower, and I am very happy with what we have so far. All we will need are small things like diapers.

This pregnancy has been different in a LOT of ways compared to Kaleb. It has honestly been harder in a lot of ways? But I just am so happy about having a girl that I don't even care, really. I felt a bit different when I got pregnant at first, for obvious reasons. Overall, I think I have just been a bit sicker this time around because of her hormones combining with mine. It's crazy how that works! And the stress of finding a new house, and moving, and being sick at the same time (Kaleb and I both got sick with high fevers DURING our move!) was hard. Then, it seems all at once, craziness started happening! Directly following Thanksgiving, our room FLOODED from plumbing issues, so we had to move all of our stuff out and get all new carpeting while living in the living room. Then we transferred the bed back to the bedroom and literally lived on top of the cement for a week before we received our new carpeting. During this time I couldn't get well - I came down with a sinus infection that lasted for exactly a month until I went to the doctor to get a Z Pack that I was just scared to take in the first place because I was prego but not sure what else to do. Directly following the plumbing issue we had a city-wide water outage due to a leak. It was crazy and we couldn't use our water for about three days. That did not help with our getting healthy again for sure! Finally, though, after the city got the water fixed, things started looking up. But talk about stress for this pregnant momma! I had just cleaned the floors really good the day before our plumbing issue happened, and it made me so mad that there was actually sewer water seeping into them the next day! This is all too funny, though, because if you know me, you know I am clean freak. I love a clean, nice house, and I go nuts when I'm nesting. Some women? They bake when they're nesting. The cakes, the pies, the cookies...I clean. So you can imagine what kind of emotional wreck I was for a couple of days.

And that brings me to my nesting these days. I am feeling better so I've been cleaning the house from top to bottom. I feel sorry for Justin or Kaleb or anyone who gets in my way. The microwave got cleaned today, along with the floors again, and the countertops, and all the laundry is almost done. Yesterday I cleaned both bathrooms from top to bottom, and this morning I washed the shower curtain. See what I mean? When I nest, I CLEAN. It's insane! I feel very sorry for the mommas who get put on bedrest at this point in their pregnancies. I think I really would go insane!

And all the while, I remind myself we have just about two weeks left before all the craziness goes down. And it won't be that crazy - I'm exaggerating of course: I am good at that! - but it will be a different kind of "normal," and things will never be the same. We will have a family of four. Wow. I am already experiencing the laundry craziness in washing her clothes (most are hand-me-downs so I feel the need - that nesting thing again!). Washing for a family of four as opposed to three....well, honestly, there really IS a big difference! They say it, but it really is true! We are getting ready to have company a bit because I know my mother in law will probably stay for a time and help, as will my grandmother. I am very, very appreciative of their sweet souls and I really look forward to their help.

I am also scared and nervous about the C section.Yeah, I know, I've had one before, and I know what to expect...but...isn't that reason to be nervous as well? I will NOT choose to go into detail about THAT mess. Wow. I just remember what happened last time....and let's just say that I am much more excited about what will come out of this process than the process itself. Lol. But...SHE will be more than worth the pain.

Speaking of she, as well...we have come up with her name. Yes, she does have a name!! :) Praise the Lord! That has been another part of this pregnancy that has been...well, just different! With Kaleb, it was so easy, it seemed. We just came up with it after looking through the bible and agreed. It was like our sixth month, and we shared on FB and all as soon as we figured it out. Not the case this time. We have had the HARDEST time figuring out a name. I am not sure why, but a lot had to do with our friends and family. Of course we worry about what everyone will say, and how they feel about the name. It's just natural. Will they like it? Or secretly dislike without actually saying so? Or, worse yet, dislike it and be very, very vocal about it? These things ran through our heads as we shared with a few, and got some mixed feedback. But, we have finally decided on one. However, to just go along with the "different" theme on this pregnancy, we will reveal her name when she reveals her face. :) Just think it'll be more fun that way. :) (And, I will add here that Justin is pretty much letting me do that...He is sweet to do so!)

And, as I feel her hiccup at the moment, I am reminded of all the good times I've had during this pregnancy too. Yes, it has been a whirlwind of emotion, but it has been very, very good. There have been some days that have been very fun, just feeling her kick, and move around. She doesn't actually move the same way Kaleb did, either, which is kind of neat to see the differences between them before she's even born. She seriously gets the hiccups as much as he did, but she doesn't move the same. I think she may be in a different position than he was, because she doesn't kick me quite as often. When I would lay down with K, he would kick up a storm! Especially when I laid on either side. But Little Miss E? No, she is more knees and elbows. She moves just as much as he did, but she chooses not to kick me. :) However, her feet do get stuck in my ribs every night, which is what happened with K too at the end of my pregnancy with him. I believe Justin's kids are just big babies! I don't have a large torso, so they run out of room and the only "sensible" solution for their feet is in the ribs...it's the only place they can go; they are cramped! :) So...for that reason and many others, I am very ready to have this little girl in the world and out of my belly!

Kaleb loves my belly, by the way. It's really kind of cute. He will lift up my shirt and just laugh. He knows his momma looks "different" right now. SO cute to me! He touches it, and loves touching my "outie" belly button.

All of this said, we are SO, SO excited to meet her. It's mixed with the same excitement about Kaleb meeting her. I know that even though he is still young, he will understand something's different. He will understand that there is definitely somebody else intruding our house and his playtime! Right now I am trying to spend some quality time with my boy. I know that will be harder to come by when Little Miss E arrives. I think sometimes I take it for granted, and I wish that I didn't....these days I am trying to sit back (literally, it's hard though at this point!) and just enjoy his company. He is such a sweet boy. I love playing with him and teaching him things. One of my favorite things to do is to go in and pray over him at night. It is such a precious time for me as a momma, and so priceless.

She will be so fun too. Maybe a different type of fun at first (I remember the newborn fun all too well!) but definitely a joy. I am SO happy to live where we do now (in town) so that I can feel not so secluded, and go out more, even if it's just to church once or twice a week. Last time I felt like a hermit. I think I can honestly say I am almost suffered from a bit of post partum depression, because I never left the house. It's really hard being housebound - and you don't realize it until you are! It seems like a blessing but it really is hard! I don't see this time being much different, except for I thank the Lord for the blessing of MOPS. And for church in general.

I want to breastfeed as long as possible, as well. We will see how that goes. Last time, because of K's severe acid reflux, we had to stop after just three months. I am not sure how we could have done it differently, since he needed cereal added to his milk every time to help him gain weight. But...we will see how this time goes. I have heard it runs in families, and several of my friends have had that happen, but...at least I will try my hardest again to breastfeed. :) It's the best start you can give to your baby!

Emotions, and all, this is going to continue to be a very good journey for us. I look forward to the next few weeks and all that they entail.

Cannot wait for our newest little blessing, and that is the best emotion of all. :)

Firsts

Zoo time!!! Kaleb got to go to the Abilene zoo just recently and wow, there were so many cool animals.


New couch time!! We just got two new couches and they are AWESOME! Leather, flexsteel, and one has powered recliners and the other is a loveseat with a center console and recliners as well. So we have decided that we have four recliners in our living room. This will be GREAT during breastfeeding/post C-section time!!

Birthday time!!! Kaleb ate cake! And...lots of it!
K's very own cake...:)
Sweet, sweet Littlest E time.

We have had SO many first recently. Kaleb's first birthday is one to name, along with new couches, and WALKING! That is K's newest addition to his skills and he is starting to use it more and more. He takes lots of steps on his own these days, but they are all sporadic...I just know one of these days he's going to take off and not stop! But for now, he has about five at a time, and he laughs SO hard when we are getting him to come to us and thinks it's SUCH a fun game! It IS!

For Halloween, he was our little monkey, of course. He was the cutest monkey I've ever seen. :)

He is doing well today, even after getting his one year shots. Momma cried, of course, almost as hard as he did! It gets harder and harder taking him in there each time for shots, knowing that pretty soon he's going to start remembering that terrible place! :(

But he is growing like a weed. He is in the 30th percentile, which, at this point, I am not too concerned about. I know that as they get older, that percentile changes and fluctuates quite a bit. :) He is growing great - 21 pounds and 10 ounces these days, and 29 1/2 inches long. :) Love every part of that sweet boy!

And out littlest addition is doing well too. We just had a 3D ultrasound done in Abilene the other day and it was SO exciting...and shocking.

When I write this, I still am in shock.

We are having a GIRL.

Wow. Justin and I were floored because we actually thought it was a boy, after the last ultrasound! The tech had told us there was about a 65 percent chance it was a boy....so that's what we were thinking.

Lol. The LORD had different plans.

And wow is all I have to say!

We are just really excited! I cannot believe the LORD is blessing us with the best of both worlds. I feel so lucky...as Justin put it the other day, "I feel like I've won the lottery." Lol.

You NEVER know what the LORD has up His sleeve. And of course, she was beautiful up there on that screen. One of the most beautiful things I have EVER seen in my life. :)

So happy. Sigh. :)

Poopy day...:) Adventures in mommiehood.

Warning to all you prego mommas who might read this and, pretty much anyone with a weak tummy. It's disgusting!

Okay so you've been warned. Read on if you dare!

It started as a good day today! Kaleb and I went to the store, and then over to my grandma's to check on her because she's had some issues lately. She was having a good day, which made us happy. It was her birthday Monday so I think all the company who's been visiting her because of that has helped her not to think about her problems right now. She had a heart attack about a week ago, and was sent home with tons of meds that don't seem to be doing great - she's still had some issues since she's been on them and they are thinking of putting in a pacemaker. Yucky stuff. But she's stayed spunky through it all. She's such a trooper.

So, we came home and Kaleb had his nap. It was a good one, long - about two hours or so, and I was happy about that!

Then, Daddy got home!

He proceeded to tell me he had had the worst day he's had in a long, long time...which made me so sad.

Work had been really bad, because of many things. They have four different parts to their plant, and every one of them had shut down. Following that, there were 18 people stuffed into this little, tiny office that Justin works in, and HE was the one who had to get everything back "online" while the 18 people were talking...hard to do, to say the least.

He had a hard day, and I felt terrible for him!

I had had a strange feeling about him today, anyway, because when I'd called earlier in the day, when he answered, I heard all these voices in the background, and I couldn't even hear Justin talking. Sounded really busy....needless to say, when he got home, he sat down..He said he hadn't had a chance to sit all day. Poor guy!

Anyway, so that happened, and then comes the gross part!

Kaleb decided to eat his own poop today!!!

Yeah....so, his Oma and Opa (grandma and grandpa) were visitng, and while I was chatting with Oma, I realized his diaper looked a bit funny...like, part of it had given him a wedgie! Lol...It was on crooked...and I was meaning to fix it, honestly! I just hadn't gotten there yet...And then....next thing we know, Oma looked down, and asked me, "What's he eating?"

I looked down at K and he had poop all over his hand and was tasting it...

GROSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

All sorts of things go off in your head, like, "Oh no, I hope he doesn't get sick!"

And then I realized there was poop...on the ground around him...and that it had escaped his diaper and gotten on the floor, and, on the fireplace bricks in front of him!!!

As we carried him into his room, it even ended up in the hallway.

Yep, told you this was disgusting!

Oh, I really thought I was experiencing all there was to be a mom.

Turns out I had only brushed the surface.

I wonder if my sister in law, who now has five children, has even experienced that.

Anyway, K got a good bath, and of course I made sure that he didn't have any more in his mouth...Yuck....poor baby. I just really hope that he doesn't get sick now! I don't think he even swallowed any or anything like that. But tasting poop - who would DO that????!! Yes, a baby would. My baby.

Wow, mommiehood is such an adventure!!!

Been a rainbow kind of year...

It's been a rainbow kind of year.

We have experienced some of the most amazing miracles of our lives...in so many ways.




We have experienced the birth of a child. Our child.

It is the best gift a couple can receive.

Kaleb has been a delight, and he keeps getting more and more delightful as he grows. He is good natured and sweet most of the time, and for that, momma is eternally grateful to the LORD!

And then...at the end of April, just SEVEN months after Kaleb, we found out we were going to be blessed again with another bundle.

Wow.

Can't express my gratitude to the LORD (and my surprise!). Beautiful little blessing coming in January 2012.

Then...if that was not enough...the LORD decided to bless us with a house, in TOWN! Cannot express my joy about that either, because we'd been so far in the country. It's nice being in the country, but I think it was time for us to live in town. Just makes it easier to get everywhere!

And now, we have a one year old. I cannot believe time has flown by so fast.

To top it off, yesterday I found out one of my good friends is pregnant again. She, of all people, deserves it more than I know right now. Last year she was pregnant with me and lost her baby as a stillborn just about two weeks before I gave birth to Kaleb. It was devastating. But the LORD has been with her and her husband throughout the whole process and they have started an amazing organization called the Holden Uganda Foundation, that provides clean water to those in Uganda. It has helped countless lives already. No doubt that with the LORD's help they have turned ashes into beauty. But...I cannot express my gratitude, once again, to the LORD, for this precious new life she is carrying. Amazing how He works. Last time we were pregnant together our babies were just about two weeks apart. This time, they will be about two months. I had really, really wanted her to be pregnant again with me, although, of course, I had never told her that. Still not sure how everything is making her feel right now, with what happened before. But I am so excited for her to be on this journey with me again.

And that's what leads me to the rainbow...again.

Last year, the day after her son's funeral, I took the rainbow picture at the top of this blog...and didn't know just how much it would symbolize to me. But...looking back, it symbolizes so much.

You see, I am a rainbow fanatic. I really think the LORD speaks through rainbows to people, and I feel like the day he gave us that rainbow was a sign of good things to come. At the time, I knew it was Holden's rainbow.

But there have been so many good things this year, both for Chet and Sarah, through their devastating situation, and with our lives. The LORD has SO many good things up His sleeve. He always has countless blessings, just waiting for us, even through rough times, such as Chet and Sarah's year.

It's been a rainbow kind of year. :) Thank you, LORD, for showing us your beauty in so many, many ways, both through the good, and the bad. Every promise you make is yes, and amen.

Gen. 9:12-16

"And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come. I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.'"

Tabasco sauce...

It was a Tabasco sauce kind of day.

Meaning...my sweet Kaleb decided at the grocery store that he would throw the Tabasco sauce out of the cart onto the floor, spilling it everywhere. During my cleaning up of the cart, and him, I put his paci back into his mouth...only to find out that it had Tabasco sauce on it too...after he had rubbed his eyes and his whole face had turned beet red due to a reaction. Needless to say, he was crying, and not just because he was sad!

I didn't quite know how to react to the situation, but I did the best thing I knew...since I had SO many groceries in the cart, and still needed more! He cannot live without his paci sometimes though - especially if he's been crying.

So I hurried to the front of the store, with him screaming and crying, his face bright red with a developing rash (yes, it was THAT fast!) and rubbing his eyes and mouth over and over. Of course, he didn't know that that was actually not helping the situation at all! His eyes were turning a deeper and deeper shade of red as I grabbed a courtesy clerk at the front and asked him if he could watch K for just a sec while I ran out to the car to grab his milk. Know how when you eat spicy stuff, sometimes they say to drink milk afterward to get rid of the sting in your mouth? It was all I could think of at the moment! Plus, K loves his bottle, and, if there's ever a time he's inconsolable, it helps immediately.

It was one of those moments, when, as you frantically go through the list of what to do in your head, you are telling your child (and yourself!) over and over that "It's going to be okay, just a minute...It's going to be okay. You're okay." Even though you are kind of questioning in your head whether it really will be!

Lol. I laugh now but it was SO sad! For one, I felt TERRIBLE for letting him even look at the Tabasco bottle. HELLO? Moms just don't DO that! I felt like a failure mommie! Of course, he had several other things he was playing with in the basket, but I should NOT have let that be one of them.

He does occasionally like the throw-down-and-watch-mommie-pick-it-up game. So...I should have known he would do it with the Tabasco sauce bottle.

I never BUY Tabasco sauce, though, either! THAT makes me mad! It all started with trying out a dumb new recipe - which, sounded okay but not great. Yeah, needless to say, I won't be making it. Every time I think about making it, it makes me picture my baby with a beet red rash spreading all over his face.

Thankfully, the Lord was definitely watching over me and K (as He knew he needed to...lol - blond!). The courtesy clerk who watched Kaleb for me turned out to have a three year old himself, and he knew just how to make him happy while I went to fish for K's bottle of milk. He ended up taking out our groceries for us later, and K was smiling and talking to him, just like he was an old buddy. It was really quite humorous.

The milk did help with the spicy taste in K's mouth. However, no matter how much I wash that paci, it just does not have the same appeal to my precious boy anymore. Now when he takes it and puts it in his mouth, he turns it around and around, then spits it out a few seconds later. Clearly it still reminds him of a jalepeno pepper.

He still has a bit of a rash around his mouth, but he is doing okay. His eyes are better too, and I think he survived.

Lesson learned, momma.

I DON'T like Tabasco anymore.

And, neither does my Kaleb.

Obviously.